IMPOSSIBLE GIRL - 9

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She had been devastated but looking back on it now she saw it from a whole new perspective. Of course he left her, how could she really blame him. She wasn’t in love with him, she didn’t even know what love was, she didn’t even know herself at the time. He had been cruel though, unnecessarily so.

IGirl (but that wasn’t her name at the time) had crawled off the edges of the international modeling stage she had spent two or three years groping to reach and into the calming waters of her home town.

Eventually the pain dulled and she had found herself and found him, the real love of her life. The one who had truly fed her heart and then torn it. The one whose music she danced to even now and who she dreamt of touching.

But it wasn’t him in front of her now it was Mark. Mark who had been through at least three models since he had left her. Mark whose thirty year old desire for variety and independence had morphed into a sentimental thirty-six year old craving for genuine affection. Mark wanted the new IGirl, what he had once had and more.

It was vaguely amusing to IGirl, Mark’s new flirtation. She had indulged it slightly but never seriously.

She remembered lying in bed with Mark all of those years back, wondering where he was and wishing he was more with her. Now if they went to bed together she would be wishing she was somewhere else, or he was someone else.

The more standoffish she was the harder Mark tried. There were rumours that he had attributed to her labels success, pulling strings backstage, helping her career along. It was possible, probable even, Roly certainly kissed his ass enough for it, why should she? Any attraction she had ever felt for him was long gone, she couldn’t bring it back even if she wanted to.

And besides, there was her secret. She could be careful, go to bed with him one night, multiple nights really but she couldn’t give him what he wanted, couldn’t be with him, build a beautiful nest, make beautiful fashionable babies, look beautiful together at beautiful events. Not without giving herself away. Or there was the option she supposed but she had never entertained it. To spread what she had, give it to another in the same way it had been given to her.

Irrelevant. Sleeping with him tonight or any night would just add to the complication. She was better off sleeping alone even if part of her wanted the company and the release. She could probably find someone else for that anyway, someone less complicated.
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